Paramedical Phenomena: Full Rough Draft

[kasihya]

This is mostly a celebration of Dreamwidth having no word limit to its posts.

Tomorrow, I go on a quest to fix up all of the medical shit. That ought to involve revising a substantial percentage of this, but I've discovered Wikipedia, so this ought not to be as arduous as I was first expecting.

(Remember when I said "Just to be clear, there are no plans to write more than one or two scenes from this"? Ha ha, me neither.)

PARAMEDICAL PHENOMENA

COLD OPEN:

INT./EXT. — HOUSE — PORCH — DAY

SAM and DEAN leave through the front door of a neat, slightly shabby two-story house, accompanied by an ELDERLY COUPLE. DEAN has a cookie in his hand, which he proceeds to shove in his mouth as he salutes the couple farewell.

SAM
Thanks for your time, m’am.

OLD WOMAN
(with a grimace)
Good luck with your research.

SAM and DEAN walk to their car.

DEAN
Well, that was a freaking waste of time.

SAM
(getting into the car)
You think?

EXT. MOTEL — PARKING LOT — CAR — DAY

DEAN drives the IMPALA to a motel parking lot in Frenchtown, NJ. Inside, he and SAM talk.

DEAN
So who’s next on our list?

SAM
I don’t know. It’s almost too perfect, you know? The town’s got practically no crime rate, no disappearances of children or adults in the last hundred years, and the oldest couple in the oldest house in town can’t remember the last time there was even so much as a fire.

DEAN
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with the kids getting snatched. Maybe it’s just a coincidence that no one’s touched this town.

SAM
(with a derisive look)
You seriously believe that? Every other town in the area has had children go missing in the last three months, except this one. You don’t think that’s just a little weird?

They park the car and get out, heading for one of the outside doors of the motel.

DEAN
(fumbling for the door key)
Nah, I think it’s weird all right, I’m just not sure what to do about it. We’ve been looking for almost a week now, and we got nothing. Until we find evidence that there’s something wrong with this town, I’m gonna assume they just got lucky and focus on finding whatever took those kids before it comes back.

He opens the door. They walk inside.

INT. MOTEL — MOTEL ROOM — DAY

SAM
I’m thinking it’s some kind of fairy. All of those other couples, the ones we talked to in Milford and the other neighboring towns, they said they’d found woodchips around the windows, right?

DEAN
Sort of like a modern twist on the whole replacing dead bodies with wooden ones, you mean.

SAM
Yeah. I’m thinking we could go around the woods tomorrow, check to see if there’s any signs there that we may have missed. If it’s trying to blend in, it might not be exactly what we’re looking for.

DEAN
Great. Undercover fairies. I’ll tell you what, I’m not too hungry right now. I think I’m gonna sack out and grab food later.

SAM gives him a look that says something to the effect of “Really? Really? That’s what you get for eating so much of the food that those lovely people gave us. Leaving none for me, incidentally.”

SAM
Sure, whatever.

FADE OUT.


FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL — MOTEL ROOM — NIGHT

SAM wakes up, startled, and checks the clock. The time is 3:12am. He gets up, looks around, and sees that DEAN is not in his own bed. With an increased sense of urgency, he moves around the room, and eventually to the bathroom. He stops at the entrance of the bathroom. DEAN is on his knees over the toilet, coughing up obscene amounts of blood, cursing. He turns around, sees SAM.

FADE OUT.



ACT ONE


FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

CAMERON, CHASE, and FOREMAN sit grouped around one end of the conference table, sorting through a pile of dark blue folders with labels on them. HOUSE enters the room.

HOUSE
Good morning, my children! I see you bring me gifts. And I’m happy to tell you that this year, I’ve elected instead to direct all contributions towards the Spleen and Appendix Donation Society. Thank you very much.

CHASE
(opening a folder)
We’ve got a thirty-eight year old female experiencing symptoms of drug withdrawal, no history of any kind of substance abuse.

HOUSE
She’s lying.

CAMERON
Twenty-six year old male, admitted last night after he nearly drowned in his own blood, but the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong … aside from the fact that his lungs were full of fluid.

HOUSE
They’re not looking hard enough.

FOREMAN
Nineteen-year-old transwoman in a motorcycle accident caused because, she says, she suffered temporary paralysis in her legs. No sign of a stroke, currently hospitalized for injuries sustained when the motorcycle landed on top of her.

HOUSE
Really? This is all you could come up with?

FOREMAN
The woman has a family history of mental illness and [physical hallucinations, I know those are caused by something specific].

HOUSE gives FOREMAN a long look and holds out his hand to CAMERON

HOUSE
Let me see that.

CHASE and FOREMAN exchange significant looks as HOUSE rifles through the file.

FOREMAN
Only lower-body paralysis? Don’t you think that’s at least a little interesting?

HOUSE
Nope.

FOREMAN gives him an exasperated look, to which HOUSE flips the file shut. Time to remind these people who is running this operation.

HOUSE
(smugly)
Sorry, [stereotyped black character/actor]. This is the real world, and I’ve been socially conditioned to feel more empathy for my fellow white male than those scary gender-benders. Plus it’s likely [solution to this based on her medical history].

FOREMAN snatches up the woman’s file and leaves the room.

FOREMAN
(over his shoulder)
I’ll be back.

HOUSE looks at CAMERON and CHASE with an expression of mock joy.

HOUSE
And then there were two.

HOUSE raises his eyebrows and walks out of the room. CAMERON and CHASE follow.

INT: HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

The hospital bed is occupied by a pale, tired-looking DEAN. He is sitting up, wearing a hospital gown, and holding a bucket in his lap, coughing intermittently. SAM sits on a chair pulled up next to the head of the bed. They are bent close together, talking quietly.

HOUSE leads CHASE and CAMERON into the room. Upon their arrival, SAM and DEAN stop talking. SAM stands up.

HOUSE
Hello, Mr …
(checking paper)
Hutton. What seems to be the problem?

DEAN gives HOUSE an incredulous look, and turns to SAM, raising his eyebrows. SAM scowls and steps forwards.

SAM
Hi, are you Dr. House?

HOUSE
The one and only.

DEAN coughs into the bucket, wipes his mouth on the back of his hand, and grimaces at the blood left there. CAMERON hands him a napkin.

SAM
So you can tell us what’s going on?

HOUSE
That is what I get paid to do. Though personally, I think they just keep me around because of my rugged good looks.

HOUSE walks over to DEAN’s bed. He procures a stethoscope from the bedside table, hooks in, and holds it to DEAN’s chest. DEAN watches him skeptically. CAMERON stands at the foot of the bed.

CAMERON
We’d just like to ask you a couple more questions, so we can get a better idea of what we’re looking for.

DEAN
(in an undertone to SAM)
I thought that was our job.

CAMERON
Sorry?

DEAN
Nothing.

HOUSE removes the stethoscope from his chest with panache.

CAMERON
Okay. It says here that you were staying in Frenchtown, doing … research?

DEAN
Yes, m’am.

SAM
It’s for a project we’re doing, investigating reports of paranormal phenomena across the country.

CAMERON
So you do a lot of traveling. Have you been outside the country in the last five years?

SAM
No.

DEAN
No wait, there was that one time we ended up in Canada …

SAM
That was six months ago, that wouldn’t be important, would it, doctor?

CAMERON
Probably not.

FOREMAN
When you say paranormal phenomena, do you mean like, ghost sightings and haunted houses type of stuff?

There is a pause that’s just long enough to register as being suspicious before anyone speaks.

SAM
Yeah, for the most part. We, uh, there was, I mean, it’s nothing really. It’s mostly just looking at the history, trying to figure out why some places have legends associated with them, and why others don’t. You know, anthropology stuff.

FOREMAN
Uh-huh.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

The team goes about doing their brainstorming thing, while gossiping about the patient. They come up with a couple of different ideas, and go to get samples and do their tests.

INT. HOSPITAL — OTHER ROOM — DAY

The team has decided that they ought to scan DEAN for any way that the blood is getting into his lungs. They pump them dry so that they have some time where he can lie on his back for the scans before he starts drowning again.

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

The tests tell them that, basically, he’s losing blood, and it’s going into his lungs, but again, no particular reason why. It just is. They decide that giving him some form of antibiotics is the best solution, or maybe a blood clotting factor? Look into that. Something that will, at the very least, slow down the rate of bloody gunk leaking out of his system.]

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

SAM has been waiting in the room while they’ve been doing tests and getting their results. That would be about three hours. He is eating lunch from the cafeteria when they enter, but jumps on them as soon as CAMERON and CHASE come back into the room.

CHASE
So, good news is, you’re not hemorrhaging, and we can’t find anything wrong with your lungs.

DEAN
Sounds good to me, doc. What’s the bad news?

CHASE
Well, we still don’t know why you keep —

DEAN coughs again, interrupting CHASE. SAM puts a hand on his back.

CHASE
— doing that.

SAM
But you know what’s not causing it, right?

CAMERON
We’ve ruled out a few possibilities.

SAM
So then, you must have a better idea of what it could be. If it’s not one thing, it’s got to be the other.

CHASE
It doesn’t really work like that, I’m afraid.

CAMERON
(to DEAN)
Right now, our main concern is making sure that you don’t lose too much blood while we do figure out what’s causing this. We might need to look at the possibility of doing a blood transfusion.

DEAN
Like hell I’m not. Putting some dead dude’s blood in my system?

SAM
(aside to DEAN)
Might make you immune to vampires.

DEAN
Yeah, or turn me into one.

CHASE
What?

DEAN
Look, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not at that point yet, am I?

CAMERON
There are blood donation banks, we draw our blood from there.

DEAN
(coughing)
How do I know that it’s safe? I knew this guy, he … uh … he got contaminated blood, he was dead a week later.

SAM
(warning, to DEAN)
Mike.

SAM claps him on the shoulder and walks over to CAMERON and CHASE, away from the hospital bed. The following conversation takes place sotto voce.

SAM
Look, how long do you think it’ll be before you can figure out what’s going on?

CHASE
We … don’t know.

SAM
Okay … What’s the next step?

CAMERON
We’ll need to run some more tests for some of the less common causes. It could take up to a day, and in the meantime, until we can figure out where the blood is coming from, it’ll continue to fill his lungs.

CHASE
What was your brother saying about vampires?

SAM
Oh, that. It’s just a joke, you know. A lot of lore says that if you feed a vampire dead man’s blood, it poisons them.

DEAN coughs.

CHASE
Didn’t sound like he was joking.

DEAN
Hey, I can hear you over there.

CHASE extends a hand, palm-up, to indicate peace. What is initially a casual glance becomes a frown, and a more prolonged stare.

SAM
(to CAMERON)
Look, he’s got personal reasons for being a little leery of blood transfusions, if you could —

DEAN
What?

CHASE walks over to the bed and leans in towards DEAN. CAMERON and SAM turn around to watch.

DEAN
Dude, you’re freaking me out. Do I have something on my face?

CAMERON
Oh my god.

CAMERON rushes over.

ALL look at DEAN, who has gradually emerging patterns on his face and arms. They are faint sets of red herringbone marks about three inches long. DEAN looks down at his arms, spreads them out before himself, and looks up at SAM.

DEAN
You think …?

SAM looks uncertain, glances at CAMERON and CHASE.


END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

The team are discussing factors that could have caused him to get worse. CHASE, CAMERON, and FOREMAN are seated around the table. HOUSE stands in front of the whiteboard, writing things.

HOUSE
So. We have bloody plural effusion, dizziness, and now a rash, in an otherwise perfectly healthy patient. Any suggestions?

CAMERON
They said they’ve been staying at a motel, they’re not the cleanest places ever. Could be environmental.

FOREMAN
Environmental wouldn’t result in the patient getting worse after he arrived.

CHASE
Maybe it’s something he picked up there, and now it’s in his system.

FOREMAN
Then why doesn’t his brother have it? From what they said, it sounds like they’ve been doing the same things since before he got sick.

CHASE
Food poisoning?

HOUSE
What kind of food poisoning do YOU get? From what I understand, it’s not something that makes you cough up enough blood for Elizabeth Báthory to bathe in.

This statement receives blank stares from his team. HOUSE sighs in an exaggerated display of exasperation at having to deal with these plebians.

HOUSE
Elizabeth Báthory? Bathed in the blood of virgins? Didn’t any of you pay attention in history class?

CHASE rolls his eyes. Silence for a few seconds.

CAMERON
(with the air of one throwing up her hands)
Are there any STDs that could cause a plural effusion?

FOREMAN snorts and smirks at the table.

CAMERON
What?

FOREMAN
Nothing.

CAMERON
Do you have a better idea?

FOREMAN does not respond.

HOUSE
Brilliant comeback, Foreman.

FOREMAN
Why doesn’t someone go and find out exactly what the patient has been doing for the past few days that his brother hasn’t? Then we might have a better idea of when something might have happened.

HOUSE
(clapping FOREMAN on the shoulder)
Great! You guys go do that. I’ve got a hot lunch date with Wilson.
(adopting the attitude of an insecure teenager)
He’ll kill me if I stand him up again. Let me know when you find anything.

HOUSE leaves the room. FOREMAN and CAMERON exchange long-suffering glances before all three rise.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

At this point, DEAN is looking decidedly paler than normal, and has some sort of breathing machine hooked up to him. The feather marks are also more pronounced than they were in the previous scene. SAM has not left the room, and spends the scene alternating between sitting down next to the bed and leaning against the wall. CHASE, CAMERON, and FOREMAN all stand in the doorway and by the end of the bed. CAMERON has a clipboard.

DEAN
I told you, we came into town a week ago. Booked a motel room, and we’ve been going around talking to people ever since. Locals, you know. Everything was fine, until I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking I was going to puke up a lung.

FOREMAN
And you never … went off by yourself, the whole time?

DEAN
Nope. And let me tell you, his earnest schoolboy routine gets old real fast.

SAM gives him an offended look.

They go in to question the patient, to try and find out if he’s been exposed to anything that’s not showing up in his medical history. While there, it emerges that (a) he and his brother are creepily codependent, and (b) there are a lot of confused, awkward pauses and contradictions in the reports that they give of what they’ve been up to, the team gets suspicious.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAYS — DAY

The team walks down the hallway in search of House. They round the corner and find House, standing in front of a closed office door with a small bouquet of flowers held behind his back. He is facing the door and appears to be studying the nameplate with unnecessary intensity. The team stops short when they reach him.

FOREMAN
What are you doing with flowers?

CAMERON
… Outside of Wilson’s office?

HOUSE
(abandoning his scrutiny of the door)
It’s all part of a cunning plan.

CHASE
To sleep with him?

HOUSE
Means to an end. After I sleep with him, I will shatter his heart and stomp on the pieces. Then he’ll know better than to eat my pancakes.

CAMERON
(shaking off the sheer absurdity of the statement, owing to the fact that House is the main food-thief in that relationship)
Anyway, we couldn’t get anything out of the patient, aside from the fact that it seems like the only thing he and his brother don’t do together is sleep in the same bed.

CHASE
Apparently. We couldn’t get a clear answer on what exactly it was that they’d been doing; patient didn’t want to talk about it.

HOUSE
So, if you think the patient is lying to you, what do you do?
(points at CAMERON with the flowers)
And don’t say ‘try to form an empathetic bond and play therapist’. We don’t have that kind of time.

CAMERON is affronted.

CHASE
Break into their house?

HOUSE
You have learned wisely, young padawan.

FOREMAN
They’ve been living out of a motel for the last thirteen months.

HOUSE
So go to the motel. Do I have to spell everything out for you?

HOUSE sighs and raises his hand to knock on the door. Right before his fist connects, the door opens, and WILSON sticks his head out. He appears exasperated.

WILSON
(to HOUSE)
Why have you decided to move your consultations to right outside my door?
(he sees the flowers in HOUSE’s hand and frowns.)
What?

CAMERON
We were just leaving.

CHASE
Yep. Good to see you, Dr. Wilson.

CAMERON, CHASE, and FOREMAN beat a hasty retreat down the hallway. As they leave, HOUSE turns to WILSON and gives him a psychotically happy smile.

INT. MOTEL — ROOM — DAY

The lock on the door clicks, and CAMERON and CHASE push the door open, entering from the porch of the motel. They are being the opposite of inconspicuous and casual, as usual. When they enter, CHASE stands up straight, and they begin looking around. The room is a disaster, covered in clothing, books, paper spread out on the desk and stuck to the walls, etc.

CHASE
Wow.

CAMERON
They did say ‘research’…

CHASE shakes his head at her. They spread out across the room, poking around at the various items therein.

CAMERON
What exactly are we looking for?

CHASE
Anything. Drugs, mold …
(picking up a shirt covered in mysterious stains)
Ectoplasm …

CAMERON snorts. She peers at some of the papers taped to the walls, frowning. CHASE moves around the other side of the room. CAMERON moves on to the desk, where a small shapeless bag sticks out of one of the drawers. She opens it, and pulls out a handful of credit cards, fake IDs, etc. She flips through them, just long enough to register the wide variety contained therein. While she looks, CHASE comes up behind her with a small, oblong bag in one hand, and a handgun in the other. He holds up the bag.

CHASE
You know what this is? I found it in the nightstand.

CAMERON turns around. She takes the bag and sniffs it, recoiling in disgust.

CAMERON
Dunno. Bag it?

CHASE slides the whole thing into a plastic bag and zips it shut.

CAMERON
Look at what I found.

CAMERON holds up the IDs. CHASE very carefully puts the handgun down on the desk, which makes CAMERON jump. He examines the IDs, and stuffs them all into a separate bag.

CHASE
(dubiously)
Research.

CAMERON
Yeah.

FADE OUT.


FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

CAMERON and CHASE return to the hospital by late afternoon, but this scene takes place the next day. DEAN and SAM are talking before they come in.

DEAN
(examining his arms)
It could be demonic. You know, like in [town name]. We both get it, but you and your freaky psychic powers, you’re immune.

SAM
Two different viruses happening to us, on opposite ends of the country, in the same month? What are the odds?

DEAN shrugs.

DEAN
You think you can get them to show you the tests?

He breaks off, coughing.

SAM
Yeah, I can try. I don’t even know what they’ve been looking at.

HOUSE, FOREMAN, CAMERON and CHASE enter with the bags that they picked up at the motel. SAM and DEAN stop talking and look up, to see if they’ve been overheard. HOUSE walks over to the tray table attached to the bed, and upends the bag of IDs on top of it. DEAN leans forwards; his expression is one of almost comical rage when he realizes what they are.

DEAN
What the hell, man?

HOUSE
My team went to your house, since you couldn’t be bothered to tell us what we needed to know. They found these. Along with other things, I’m told. Very interesting.

SAM
You can’t just —

HOUSE
(rounding on SAM)
Yes, I can. It’s not going to help us find out why your brother is dying if we don’t even have your real medical history. Did you ever think of that?

DEAN
Lay off! I know this looks bad, but it’s not what you think.

HOUSE
Enlighten me, Mr. Hutton. Or is it …
(picking up a card from the tray table)
John Samuels?
(throwing that down, and finding another)
Or maybe it’s Victor Hughes, though that one’s not quite as good a match. We’ll go with Hutton for now.

DEAN
See, the thing is, our father, sir, he had some pretty funny ideas about how to raise his kids. He thought it would be a good idea for us to go into the family business. It just so happened that the family business was selling fake IDs. Mostly to under twenty-ones, you know? Anyway, a couple of years ago, he gives us this present, and it’s all of these.
(waving his hand at the tray table)
I mean, what are we going to do with fake fire marshal certification? But then he went and died in a car crash, about a month or so ago, and now it’s like … you’re driving along, getting down thinking about him, but wait. Remember that time that Dad gave us all of that really illegal shit?

He finishes with a pained grin at the table. HOUSE stares at him. FOREMAN folds his arms. No one speaks for a few minutes.

HOUSE
That is the biggest load of horse crap I have heard in at least a week.

DEAN
Yeah, well, that’s all you’re going to get.

DEAN attempts to lean back and cross his arms for punctuation, but starts coughing halfway through the movement and has to lean back over again. HOUSE watches him dubiously.

HOUSE
Look, I’m not interested in turning you in to the cops. That’s not my job. My job is to figure out why you’re here, and fix it. That’s it. So I would really appreciate it if you would tell me your name, so that we can get your real files pulled up, and get a move on with this case.

SAM and DEAN exchange a look. The exchange consists of “Crap, what do you think?” “Hell no, he gets nothing from me and if you tell him I will strangle you.” “Come on, don’t be difficult.” “Bitch.” The silent conversation is observed with increasing skepticism by HOUSE.

DEAN
That one — Mike Hutton. That’s got my medical records on it. You can use that — we’re not giving you our real names.

HOUSE
(turning back to SAM)
You. You seem like the concerned type. You want your brother to not look like the living dead for the remainder of his life, right?

SAM
I’ll let Mike make the call on that one. If he says he’s got his proper medical history, then I’d be inclined to believe him.

FOREMAN
(steely)
House. Can we talk to you for a moment? Outside?

HOUSE
(to DEAN, ominously)
I’d think about it.

HOUSE follows his team outside, with a final, eyebrows-raised look back over his shoulder at DEAN.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY OUTSIDE ROOM — DAY

FOREMAN, CAMERON, CHASE, and HOUSE group themselves around the glass to the side of the doorway, observing SAM and DEAN through the wall as they talk.

FOREMAN
What are we doing?

HOUSE
Good question. I’d like to treat the patient. What else do we have?

His question is met with silence.

HOUSE
I mean besides evidence for several potential felonies.

CHASE is incredulous. But he recovers himself after a moment, and holds out the bag of that stuff that looks like pepper.

HOUSE
What is it?

CHASE
Dunno.

CAMERON
Smells awful.

HOUSE
(looking inside the bag)
Interesting. What else?

CAMERON
(sounding slightly confused)
Nothing. Aside from paper.
(When this seems to pique HOUSE’s interest, she continues)
The whole room was covered in newspaper clippings, diagrams, photocopies …

HOUSE
You think they’re actually here doing research?

CAMERON
I don’t know! I’m just saying, it’s weird.

HOUSE
Is it relevant to our case?

CHASE
The guy believes in vampires. [Something to the effect of “if he believes in all sorts of weird shit, then he could be doing things to himself that he thinks are rational and normal, but are actually harmful.]

HOUSE
Like ingesting lethal amounts of garlic!

CAMERON rolls her eyes at him.

CHASE
So one of us talks to him, figure out if he’s doing anything else that may have an effect — maybe a long-term accumulation of a toxin that we didn’t think to test for, because normal people don’t have a problem avoiding it.

FOREMAN
One of us should tell Cuddy what we found. Impersonating [law people] is a federal offense, and that’s not even counting the fact that we’re billing them on false insurance.

HOUSE
And how is that going to help? We take the evidence away, patient knows we snitched, and runs. Probably bleeds out in another couple of days.

FOREMAN
House.

HOUSE
Relax! If you turn him in after he’s cured, then he’ll survive to live out a nice long stint in jail.

While they are talking, SAM opens the door and leans out. He knocks on the door to get their attention as he does.

SAM
(in the tone of one controlling himself to keep from panicking)
Hi. Can you get back in here? I think there’s something wrong.

CAMERON, who is closest to the door, leads the team back inside. DEAN has pushed away the tray table and pulled open the top of his hospital gown. Aside from the rashes on his skin, there are now large, dark bruises forming on his stomach and sides. SAM hovers as CAMERON bends over to look at them, frowning.

FOREMAN
(to CHASE)
And now someone to talk him into accepting blood donations.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO


ACT THREE

INT. HOSPITAL — ULTRASOUND ROOM — DAY

The room is dark. DEAN is lying on a table. CAMERON stands next to him, with an ultrasound machine to one side, scanning his abdomen. The patchy bruises have merged together to form a vague squiggly mark. For a few seconds, the only sound is of the machine doing its work, while CAMERON moves around the wand and watches the screen.

DEAN
How long is this going to take?

CAMERON
Another few minutes, I think.

DEAN
(never one to pass up an opportunity to talk to an attractive woman, no matter how inconvenient)
So listen, thanks for being cool with the whole insurance thing.

CAMERON
(disinterested)
It’s not my place to judge. I’m sure you have your reasons.

DEAN
Doesn’t everyone?

He hisses in pain as she presses against a particularly bruised spot.

CAMERON
Sorry.

DEAN
Nope, it’s fine.

CAMERON
Why didn’t you say anything sooner? I’m sure it must have hurt before this. Bleeding like that takes a while to make it to the surface of the skin.

DEAN
Didn’t want to worry my brother, if you guys decided to kick us to the curb.

CAMERON
(dryly)
I think it might have worried him if you’d suddenly collapsed of blood loss.

DEAN
Maybe.
(a pause)
Didn’t think of that, honestly.

CAMERON continues her examination in silence. After another ten seconds or so, she pauses, looks at the screen, and moves the stick back to the area just below his ribcage.

CAMERON
Got it.

DEAN
What’s ‘it’?

CAMERON
(pointing to the screen)
See that, there?

DEAN
That white spot?

CAMERON
Yep. That’s where the bleeding is coming from.

DEAN
That don’t look too great.

CAMERON gives him a tight, unconvincing smile that is probably meant to be reassuring.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

DEAN is back in his bed, looking particularly pale and angry. SAM is sitting in the chair next to him, as close as is possible, with a laptop across his knees. FOREMAN, CAMERON, and CHASE are grouped around the end of the bed.

FOREMAN
(with strained patience; he’s been at this for the last few minutes)
You need a blood transfusion before we can do anything to fix the bleed. We put you under now, you might die of blood loss while you’re on the operating table.

DEAN
I’ve told you, I’m willing to take that risk.

SAM
No, you’re not. D — Mike, that’s stupid.

DEAN
I’ m not going to get someone else’s blood mixed up in my veins. I’m telling you, it’s a bad idea.

FOREMAN
So is refusing life-saving treatment because you’re afraid you’re going to turn into a vampire.

DEAN gives him a poisonous look. SAM stands.

SAM
Doctor Foreman. Could you give us a moment?

FOREMAN
Sure.

He, CHASE, and CAMERON leave. As soon as the door closes, SAM returns to his seat and drags the laptop back towards him. He opens the lid and shoves it at DEAN.

SAM
Look. While you were gone, I was doing some research. That mark on your stomach, it looks like some kind of symbol. I figured, if I could find out what it’s from, then I could track down whatever’s causing this.

DEAN
(unconvinced)
Yeah, and?

SAM points to a particular page he’s pulled up on the laptop.

SAM
Here. It’s not that common, and it’s mostly on crackpot websites like this one.

DEAN
(snorting derisively, which turns into a cough)
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me. Fairies?

SAM
It makes sense. One of them must have noticed what we were doing.

DEAN
(nodding slowly)
People used to blame fairies for causing tuberculosis … supposedly, they’d make people get up and dance all night long, and that was how they’d catch it.

SAM
Yeah, but TB would take too long, they needed to add something else, to make sure we were too distracted to go back and look for them.

DEAN
Hence, the …

He gestures at his arms. Then he stares off into the distance for a second, thinking.

DEAN
(under his breath)
Those bastards.

SAM
Hm?

DEAN
They poked a hole in me so they could draw a protective symbol on my fucking stomach. How messed up is that?

SAM
That’s the thing about protective symbols. They never specify who they’re supposed to be protecting.

DEAN
Guess so.

SAM
But we still have no idea where the fairies are, or what they want. Or how to get them to stop … this.

DEAN
(giving SAM a light shove)
So get on that, what are you still sitting here for?

SAM
Yeah, but Dean, I don’t know how long that’s going to take. It could be a day or two, and you’re not going to make it that long unless you let the doctors do something.

DEAN
They can do it. They’re just not putting anything in me until it’s been checked for every kind of demonic influence known to man.

SAM
And how are they going to do that? Seriously, what are the odds of you getting infected blood?

DEAN
Too high.

SAM looks as though he is about to argue. He pauses, and shakes his head, silent for a few seconds.

SAM
Fine.

DEAN
Fine?

SAM
Yeah. I’ll go let them know that you want to try this without getting any donations beforehand. And then I’m going to go back to Frenchtown to try to track down the fairy.

He shuts the laptop and tucks it under his arm before rising. He walks to the door without looking at his brother.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY OUTSIDE ROOM — DAY

Instead of calling the team back in, SAM waits to speak to them until he is outside, and the door is shut behind him. They all turn to him expectantly.

SAM
He’s not going to change his mind.

CAMERON and CHASE visibly express exasperation.

SAM
I don’t really care. Is there anything you can do, give me an override, or something?

FOREMAN
Not legally. He’s still conscious, so he gets to make his own decisions.

SAM
Yeah, okay, so if he was high or, or drunk or something, he’d still be capable of making his own decisions? There are exceptions, right?

CAMERON
But he’s not high or drunk.

SAM
Yeah, but he’s lost what, two pints of blood so far? At least? That’s got to mess with his perception.

CHASE
(as though he can’t believe he’s being drawn down this line of reasoning)
Blood loss can lead to dizziness and vertigo, yes …

SAM
Great! So he’s not responsible for his own decisions. As next of kin, I can give you permission to knock him out, and then do the transfusion before surgery.

FOREMAN and CHASE make puzzled faces at each other.

FOREMAN
(aside to CHASE)
Why do I feel like I’m talking to House?

CHASE
(aside to FOREMAN)
Can’t imagine.
(to SAM)
I’m sorry. We can’t just make decisions like that.

SAM
Oh, but it’s okay to break into our room and ransack the place?

CAMERON leans back to look at CHASE.

CAMERON
He has a point.

FOREMAN
You’re taking his side?

CAMERON
No! I’m just saying …

SAM
(to CAMERON)
Thank you. Thank you so much. Is there any paperwork I need to fill out?

CHASE
Wait, we didn’t —

SAM is already pulling a pen out of his jacket pocket. CHASE sighs.

CHASE
I’ll go get the consent forms.
CHASE exits down the hallway.

FOREMAN
I have to ask. What does Mike have against blood transfusions? You’re not Jehovah’s Witnesses, are you?

SAM
(laughing)
No, definitely not. It’s just — like he said, he had a friend who got a bad batch of blood, and his body rejected it. By the time he figured out what was going on, it was too late.

FOREMAN
And he knows that we screen all of our donations very rigorously, and we’ll be monitoring him to make sure that it takes.

SAM
Yeah, it’s … he’s not being rational, I told you.

CHASE returns down the hallway with a clipboard in his hand. SAM jerks his head and walks a ways down the hall, out of DEAN’s line of sight through the glass. CHASE follows him; they sit down on a bench.

SAM
It’s probably better he didn’t see me signing anything. He’s probably already wondering what’s taking so long.

CHASE
You’re sure about this?

As he speaks, HOUSE turns the corner and starts coming at them from the opposite direction. He is whistling merrily, seemingly unconcerned about his patient.

SAM
(flipping to the back page and signing it — as Lucas Hutton, obviously)
Absolutely.

HOUSE
Hey, kids!

CHASE scowls at HOUSE as he walks by. SAM hands CHASE the documents, and they stand.

CHASE
We’ll get him scheduled as soon as possible, but it’ll probably be another hour at least before we can do the transfusion, and a while longer after that before we can do the surgery — we need to make sure that there are no complications from the transfusion.

SAM
Okay, that’s … that’s good, actually. I need to go back to the motel and take a shower, lie down on a real bed for a little while.
(nervous laugh)
I’ve hardly slept since we got here. No offense, but the chairs here are not comfortable.

CHASE
Of course.

SAM
If I’m not back in time, you’ll start without me, right?

CHASE
(frowning)
Yeah, sure. No reason why we shouldn’t.

SAM
Great. Okay. Uh.

SAM turns and starts to leave. CHASE goes to rejoin CAMERON and FOREMAN. He makes it halfway down the corridor before SAM returns and taps him on the shoulder. CHASE jumps.

CHASE
Yeah?

SAM
I just remembered, I meant to ask you — the bleed that Dr. Cameron found. Where did you say it was?

CHASE
We’re pretty sure it’s in the stomach lining. Are you okay?

SAM
(rocking back, satisfied.)
Huh. Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be back.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD — DAY

SAM drives up the road, up until the point when the old couples’ house is visible at the end of the road. He passes several smaller roads, and pulls off onto one of them, about a hundred yards away from his destination. He gets out of the car, armed with some sort of concealable handgun, and iron bullets. After getting out of the car, he sets his weapon down, and takes off his jacket in order to turn it inside out.

SAM
(muttering to himself)
God, I hope this works.

He hikes up the road towards the house, stowing the gun in his jacket as he does

EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE — DAY

The house in question has a gravel driveway leading up to it, surrounded by a lot of wild berry bushes. As SAM approaches the outside of the house, he ducks into the bushes in order to get closer to the house without being seen. He works his way around towards the back door. He pauses at some of the windows, sneaking a look in to check on the location of the occupants of the house. There is no movement inside.

He successfully navigates to the back porch, and notices curtains blowing through an open window. Naturally, this being Sam, he decides that the best course of action is to climb in through the window. Which he does, nearly knocking over a potted plant in the process.

INT. HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — DAY

SAM is now inside the same room where he and DEAN interviewed the older couple the other day. It is empty, and the lights are off. He climbs off of the table underneath the windowsill, and has to stop to adjust the table runner when it catches on his shoe and threatens to spill the other plants on the ground. Having done so, he checks the room to make sure that it’s empty, and continues through the doorway into the kitchen.

INT. HOUSE — KITCHEN — DAY

At first glance, the kitchen looks like any other: there are dishes stacked in the sink, signs of a recently prepared salad, and a bowl of fruit on the table. SAM walks in and picks up an apple, turning it over in his hands. He goes over to the refrigerator, opens the door, searching for bread. When this fails to yield results, he flips open the breadbox sitting on the counter next to the sink. It is empty. Frowning, he digs in his pocket with his free hand, and comes up with several dark iron bullets. He presses one to the apple in the opposite hand. There’s no sizzling, no flashy effects, but when he takes the metal away, it leaves a bullet-shaped patch of rotten flesh behind. The patch spreads quickly, leaving behind an apple at least three days rotten.

Sam curses and puts the apple in his pocket. The house creaks; he looks up at the ceiling, waiting to see if anything else will happen, but nothing does. A bird caws through the window. He notices a narrow door next to the refrigerator and opens it, revealing a small pantry. Sitting on the shelf at about eye level are several glass jars of cookies. His face falls as he looks at them, pulls one down, and opens it. Inside are the same type of cookies as DEAN was eating when they left the house two days previously. He repeats the bullet-to-the-food experiment on the cookie. It crumbles away into a black, powdery substance, around which he closes his fingers before it can escape.

The silence is broken by the voice of the old man, coming from around the front of the house. The voice of the old woman answers him. SAM turns, shuts the pantry, and shoves the bullets back into his pocket, next to the apple. He runs for the open living room window as quietly as possible, looking back to make sure that the fairy couple aren’t inside already.

INT. HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — DAY

SAM runs for the window, before looking at the first still clenched around the powder and realizing that trying to climb through a window one-handed, over a set of potted plants, is not going to work. The front door opens, a few rooms away, and he flinches. For a moment, it seems as though he has frozen up; then he recovers himself, and pries open the back door as quietly as possible. As he slides through the door, the voices of the old couple get louder. They are obviously in the front hall now.

OLD WOMAN
(irritated)
No. I was born and raised here, I am not —

OLD MAN
(condescendingly)
Don’t talk back to me, changeling.

SAM pauses with his head halfway through the door, to frown at this piece of information, before remembering that he’s sneaking around a house that apparently belongs to two fairies, and he should probably get out of there as soon as possible, if not sooner.

EXT. YARD — DAY

He leaps down off of the porch, and lands in a crouch next to storm cellar doors made of wood. The doors are more or less ordinary, but they are made of wood, not metal, and the grain of the wood is shaped into the same sort of vague symbol on Dean’s stomach. Naturally, this gives SAM pause. He looks up at the house from his position against the porch, and sees nothing, so he tries to open the doors. They rattle, but don’t come loose, so he presses his eye to the crack instead. Through the crack, a slice of sunlit riverbank is visible as though seen from head height. A small Hispanic girl runs past, her laughter visible but not audible. SAM watches her for a moment, before a robin chirping causes him to jump back. He disappears into the bushes, looking back one last time to make sure that he hasn’t been seen.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

While the previous scenes take place, FOREMAN and CAMERON reenter DEAN’s hospital room, armed with a new IV drip. DEAN watches them defiantly.

DEAN
What’s that?

FOREMAN
(hooking the bag up to the rack)
This is a clotting agent. If it works like we hope it will, then you have a better chance of getting through the surgery.

DEAN
(pulling away the hand with the IV in it, as FOREMAN reaches for it to attach the drip)
Like you hope it will? And what if it doesn’t?

FOREMAN
We don’t know exactly what we’re dealing with here; we can’t be one hundred percent sure how you’ll react. In all likelihood, like you’re supposed to. We don’t like to use definitive language, in case we screw up.

DEAN snorts, but he lets FOREMAN attach the drip. FOREMAN stands back, falling into line with CAMERON, who has remained halfway across the room.

FOREMAN
We’ll be back in half an hour or so, once it’s had time to get into your system and affect your platelets.

He and CAMERON leave the room.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY — DAY

FOREMAN and CAMERON walk back down the hallway, to where CHASE is waiting for them.

FOREMAN
I’d give it five minutes or so before he’s knocked out.

CAMERON
Where’s House?

CHASE
I passed him coming from Cuddy’s office while I was talking to the brother.

FOREMAN
So we don’t know.
(with false cheer)
Hey, you know, I’ll go find him. You guys can go make sure that our patient doesn’t drown in his own blood while he’s unconscious.

Without waiting for a reply, FOREMAN gives his teammates a nod and walks away. The expression on CAMERON’s face can only be described as priceless.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

CAMERON and CHASE have returned to the room; DEAN is unconscious. The equipment necessary for a blood transfusion is laid out on the table at the foot of the bed. CAMERON shuts the blinds so that the room is screened from view, and the pair get to work.

CHASE
(checking the clock)
How much time do we have?

CAMERON
I wouldn’t risk keeping him under for more than forty-five minutes.

CHASE
Okay. Let’s get going, then.

They set to work. CAMERON does the cleaning work and inserts the needle into the vein on DEAN’s forearm; CHASE passes her a blood bag, which she attaches to the cord on the end of the needle. With this accomplished, she hangs the blood bag, and she and CHASE sit down to monitor the process for any allergic reactions or other side effects as a result of the transfusion. There is awkward silence for a while.

CHASE
So …

CAMERON
Please, don’t feel obligated to make conversation.

CHASE raises his hands briefly in an ‘I surrender’ gesture, looking down. They wait for a few seconds more. He goes to check DEAN’s pulse, and gives him a visual once-over.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

Forty-five minutes later, the scene is nearly identical, aside from the blood bag now being mostly empty. CHASE is by the window, flipping through a magazine. CAMERON is pacing. DEAN is breathing shallowly, and it’s clear that he has started to have some difficulty. CAMERON paces over to him and disconnects the blood bag. Following this, she does the same to the sedative IV. CHASE closes his magazine, and CAMERON steps back, preparing for DEAN’s return to the conscious world. As they wait, there is a knock on the door. Immediately following the knock, the door opens, and WILSON leans in. CAMERON moves to intercept him before he can ask what they’re doing.

WILSON
(looking first to DEAN, then to CAMERON)
Is House in here?

CAMERON
He stopped by about twenty minutes ago. I don’t know where he is now, sorry. Did you try paging him?

WILSON
(rolling his eyes)
Multiple times. Do you think you could try him?

CAMERON
Uh … yeah, sure. Is something the matter?

WILSON
(in the tone of the long-suffering)
No, not exactly.

CAMERON
Does it have to do with the flowers yesterday?

WILSON looks around shiftily at the room beyond CAMERON instead of giving her an answer.

CAMERON
(sighing)
Fine.

She holds up her pager, and hits the buttons deliberately with her thumb, eyes never leaving WILSON’s face.

WILSON
Thank you.

He closes the door behind him. CAMERON turns around to CHASE.

CAMERON
Do you know what that was about?

CHASE shrugs. DEAN starts coughing; CHASE and CAMERON switch their attention back to the situation at hand as he opens his eyes. It takes a few seconds before he starts to look around, obviously disoriented. Eventually, his gaze settles on CAMERON, as she hands him the bucket.

DEAN
What just happened?

He leans forward to hack blood into the bucket for a worrying amount of time. When he’s finished, he moves to bend the arm that got the blood transfusion and frowns at the bandage in the crook of his elbow. CAMERON opens her mouth to give the illusion of having a ready answer, with an urgent look at CHASE.

CAMERON
Ah —

The door opens despite the closed blinds. HOUSE enters.

HOUSE
Where’s Wilson?

CHASE
Um … he just left to go find you.

HOUSE
Excellent. I’m assuming that’s why I got an urgent page to report to oncology from Dr. Cameron just now.

CAMERON doesn’t even have the grace to feign shame.

CAMERON
Why weren’t you answering his pages?

HOUSE
I’m playing hard to get.

DEAN
Hey!

HOUSE, CHASE, and CAMERON appear to remember that they have a patient. When they return their attention to him, he is scowling.

DEAN
I appreciate that you all have very interesting personal lives, but could someone tell me what the hell happened? A minute ago, that other doctor was here, telling me about platelet count or some crap like that; next thing I know, I’m waking up, he’s gone, and I think I’m drowning all over again.

HOUSE
(to CAMERON)
Ooh, this should be interesting.

CHASE
You weren’t completely conscious. We … may not have told you exactly what we were giving you.

DEAN
What do you mean?

CAMERON
Transfusion does reduce the risk of complications during surgery …

DEAN
(flat)
What. No, I told you, I told you no. You can’t do that.

CAMERON
(as though he is slow and failing to grasp a very simple concept)
If we hadn’t, you would have died.

DEAN
Maybe, you said maybe before.

HOUSE
Oh, shut up. You’re not going to turn into a vampire. I promise. And if you do, I’ve got a stake waiting in my office that I keep freshly sharpened for just these situations.

DEAN stares at HOUSE.

DEAN
Are you making fun of me?

HOUSE
Let me think, yes. Now you can let my doctors do their work, and live to thank them.

DEAN
You know what, no. I want someone else. Someone who’s not insane, do you have any of those around here?

HOUSE
Yeah. The doctors who aren’t crazy get the normal patients. You’re stuck with me. Sorry.

DEAN
Oh, great. So that’s how it works: I lie to you, so you lie to me?

HOUSE
Hm … yeah, sounds right.
(to CAMERON)
We’ve been bumped up for the surgery. The room is ready.

HOUSE leans over towards the medicine rack, and surreptitiously restarts the flow of sedatives. DEAN doesn’t notice.

CHASE
We can’t do that right now. We need to wait first to make sure that the donation takes.

DEAN coughs. HOUSE waits with saintly patience until he has finished to answer.

HOUSE
Yeah, let’s wait for the delusional patient with the undiagnosed illness to wake up properly before we keep him from bleeding to death. Great idea!

DEAN
Right here.

CAMERON
House …

HOUSE
(gleefully)
What’s he going to do, sue us? Can’t do that, they’d catch him! Whoever they are, and whatever they want, of course.

He shrugs and looks at DEAN, who has shut his eyes again. HOUSE makes a show of checking his watch.

HOUSE
That’s your cue. Go go go.

CAMERON
House!

HOUSE
He’ll thank me later. And so will you.

HOUSE leaves.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY — DAY

CHASE and CAMERON are in the process of pushing DEAN on a gurney down the hall. As they turn the corner, FOREMAN appears, and falls into step beside them.

CHASE
Where have you been?

FOREMAN
Cuddy’s office. You gave him the blood?

CAMERON
Yep. He was not happy.

FOREMAN
(laughing)
There’s a surprise.

CHASE
(oh god, why do they even put up with this amount of crap?)
Yeah, so House sedated him. Again. I do not pity the nurse who’s around when he wakes up, he looked ready to kill someone.

FOREMAN
The vampire thing?

CHASE
I guess.

FOREMAN
Sheesh.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL — SAM’S ROOM — DAY

SAM has returned to the motel without incident, jacket right-side-out once more. He sits at the desk, hunched over the computer. John’s journal is open to the right. The computer screen is open to an article with an image of the moon at the top corner of the page.

SAM
(under his breath)
Shit.

He pulls up a calendar on the computer, which shows the phases of the moon. He taps the current date, and moves his finger across the screen until it hits the full moon, which is two days away. He shuts the computer, stands, and makes for the door.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — SURGERY ROOM — DAY

The room is bustling with several DOCTORS and NURSES, with the focus of the attention being DEAN, lying on the operating table. His stomach is held open with those weird fork things, while the SURGEON works on him with a needle and thread.

INT. HOSPITAL — OBSERVATION ROOM — DAY

CAMERON, CHASE, and FOREMAN look down through glass upon the surgery taking place a floor below.

FOREMAN
(turning around towards the door)
Where did House go? I thought he was just here.

CAMERON
I don’t know. He said something about going to play Gay Chicken …

CHASE
What?

FOREMAN sighs heavily. Silence descends while they watch the proceedings.

CHASE
Almost done, it looks like.

FOREMAN
(looking at the clock)
Not bad.

CHASE
Now we just need to find out why this happened in the first place, and we’re set.

CAMERON
Okay. Back to the drawing board.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

Two hours later. The surgeon’s work is done. DEAN is sleeping; a NURSE leans over the bed to check the readings. What she sees is satisfactory, and she goes to leave. The door opens just before she gets there, and SAM walks in timidly.

SAM
Hi. How’s he doing?

NURSE
Fine … He came out of anesthesia about an hour ago, he’s just sleeping right now. They let you come up?

SAM
(shiftily)
Yeah, I was told I could come in and wait. Are any of his doctors around?

NURSE
I don’t know. I’ll go check.

She leaves. SAM goes to sit down next to the bed again. He flicks a scrap of crumpled-up paper at DEAN; it bounces off his nose and startles him awake. He flails a bit until he sees SAM, at which point he attempts to regain his dignity and play it cool.

DEAN
Hey.

He attempts to push himself upright, winces, and gives up.

SAM
You okay?

DEAN
Yeah, of course I am. Where’ve you been?

SAM
Seriously, are you okay?

DEAN looks down at his arms, which are covered in rashes and bandages; at the tube sticking out of his hand; looks up; and raises his eyebrows at SAM. SAM smiles.

SAM
But the mark …

DEAN
Dunno. No one’s freaking out at me right now, so I’m assuming I’m not about to drop dead.

SAM
Great.

Silence descends for a few seconds, while they avoid looking directly at each other.

DEAN
… So?

SAM
Oh, right. Here.

SAM digs through his pockets and pulls out a small plastic bag with the black remains of the cookie inside. DEAN takes it from him and opens it to look inside and sniff.

DEAN
It’s dirt.

SAM
It’s gingerbread.

DEAN takes a moment to process this.

SAM
It was honestly just a lucky guess. I went around to all of the places we’d been the day before this happened. There was the one woman with the daughter …

DEAN smirks.

SAM
… there was the town library, and there was the old couple.

DEAN
Yeah, and?

SAM
(bordering on incredulity that he hasn’t figured out where this is going)
Where the husband brought out all of those cookies. Which you then ate.

DEAN tilts his head back and shuts his eyes.

SAM
I went through their house. Weeds everywhere, remember? Weeds, no bread, and the fruit was only fresh until it came into contact with cold iron.

DEAN
And this?

SAM
In the pantry. I’m pretty sure it’s [some sort of fairy thing going on]. I’ve been looking up how to stop it, and it looks like it requires [full-moon thingy going on] just to keep it from hanging on past its expiration date.

DEAN
Okay. So you do your thing, you save me. I get better, we find the kids and waste the fairies.

SAM
Oh, I found the kids. They’re in the storm cellar, it’s some sort of doorway to a, a river or something. I couldn’t open it, but they look okay. They’re just running around, it’s sunny … I don’t know. It’s weird. What’s the point?

DEAN
It could be some sort of ritual. You know, spring equinox, let’s celebrate by snatching a whole bunch of kids.

SAM
That doesn’t make sense, why now?

DEAN
Look, it was just an idea. I’m trying to think, it’s like swimming through pillows. Too many damn anesthetics …

The expression on his face becomes blank for a moment; then he shakes it off. (I’m working off of the assumption that he doesn’t have any recollection of the encounter with House; this is based off of my personal experience with anesthesia, which completely erased my memories of the events leading up to it.)

SAM
Yeah, well, if you weren’t such a pig, you wouldn’t be here, and you could help me do this.

DEAN smirks at him. A moment later, CAMERON knocks on the door. SAM gets up to let her in.

CAMERON
Hi. Natalie said you wanted to see me — how did you get in?

SAM
Oh, the nurse at the front desk said it was okay.

CAMERON is unconvinced.

SAM
I just wanted to see how everything went. Did the surgeon find anything when, they, um … went in?

DEAN side-eyes his choice of words.

CAMERON
We’re still reviewing the video footage to see if there’s anything that was missed the first time. So far, nothing’s come up. We’ll keep monitoring your brother to make sure that there are no complications.
(addressing DEAN)
The nurses drained your lungs before you went in for surgery, so you should be okay for a while.

DEAN
(attempting a winning smile)
Hey, look at that. I didn’t die after all. Told you.

SAM tilts his head at CAMERON

SAM
Wait. Did you do the …?

CAMERON
Yeah.

CAMERON
It’s normal to not remember the twenty minutes or so preceding anesthesia.

DEAN
What?

SAM
(hesitating)
I, uh, I told them to go ahead with the transfusion before surgery.

He clears his throat. DEAN gives him an ‘are you fucking with me’ look.

DEAN
You did what?

SAM
You looked ready to keel over, so I told them it was okay, I’d take responsibility.

There is a pause, where DEAN works on figuring out how to react to this bit of news. SAM and CAMERON metaphorically hold their breath until he decides.

DEAN
You are so lucky I’m on a drip right now, or I’d kill you.

SAM
I know.

DEAN
I still might.

SAM
(relieved that this is the only castigation he’s getting)
Sure.

CAMERON watches this in faint bemusement, but it’s really not what she’s here for. She nods, like ‘ah, I see, so that’s how it is.’

SAM
So what happens now?

CAMERON
Well, we’ve fixed the result, but not the cause. It’s like putting a band-aid on the problem.

DEAN
(muttering)
Giant fucking band-aid.

CAMERON gives a weak laugh.

CAMERON
We’ll finish going over the video, see if there’s anything we missed, and in the meantime, we’ll work on coming up with new ideas.
(to SAM)
It could take a while. There’s a cafeteria on the ground floor if you get hungry.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

Several hours later, HOUSE and the DUCKLINGS have reconvened in the OUTER OFFICE in order to discuss their patient further. They have clearly been here for a while already; CHASE is surreptitiously attempting to watch videos on his laptop throughout the conversation.

HOUSE
And back to the drawing board it is.

CHASE
(wearily)
Endocarditis.

CAMERON
The shortness of breath was caused by pleural effusion, it doesn’t fit.

[More medical jargon that goes right over my head, until they hit on something that could cause the pleural effusion and the rip in the stomach lining, with the rash as a rare but possible side effect.]

CHASE
Great. I’ll get him started on [antibiotics, steroids, etc].

HOUSE
Thank you for volunteering. I appreciate it.

CHASE
(nonplussed)
Um … you’re welcome?

HOUSE
For offering to stay late and monitor our patient. Sorry, I assumed that was implicit.

CHASE
What? No, I’m going home in an hour.

HOUSE
Not anymore you’re not.

CHASE looks to CAMERON for support; she appears pained on his behalf. He sighs, looks at HOUSE, and leaves to do as he has been bid. HOUSE leans back in his chair and puts his feet up on the table.

HOUSE
And now, we wait.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — NIGHT

The room is dark save for a few small, blinking lights. The clock on the wall reads midnight. There’s a beeping and quiet whirring of hospital machinery, but other than that, the room is quiet. SAM is sitting in his chair, at a more reasonable distance, slumped forwards and asleep. DEAN is shuffling about in his sleep. He opens his eyes, muttering to himself and appearing confused. This goes on for about five seconds before it wakes up SAM. He jumps awake, and frowns at DEAN.

SAM
Dean?

DEAN
(blinking as he focuses on SAM)
Dude.

He flails, reaching underneath his pillow for a weapon that isn’t there.

SAM
(leaning forwards, fully awake in an instant)
What’s wrong?

DEAN
(staring at the window behind SAM’s head)
Move. Behind you!

SAM lunges out of his chair without question, ducking onto the floor. He crouches immobile; nothing happens. He twists around, peeking out from behind his arms at the window, and sees nothing.

SAM
Is it still there?

DEAN
Yeah, yeah …

SAM
What’s it doing?

DEAN
(puzzled)
Nothing, it’s just … sitting there, looking in. Making faces …

SAM
Huh? What is it?

DEAN
I dunno. It’s not a reaper, I’m telling you that.

SAM gets up and turns around towards the window; arms spread and feet planted.

DEAN
(pushing himself into a sitting position, eyes wide)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

SAM waves his hands around.

SAM
What?

DEAN
What the hell?

He ducks, grunting in pain at the movement, and protects his face with his hands against an unseen attacker.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE.


ACT FOUR

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

It is the following morning. SAM and HOUSE are walking around each other at the far end of the room from the bed. HOUSE is extremely irritated, shouting; SAM paces to keep him in full view, hands clenched into fists. DEAN is drifting in and out of consciousness, coughing again throughout the scene.

HOUSE
Now, I’m curious, how does ‘I’m seeing a blue three-eyed monster at the window’ not set off alarm bells in your head?

SAM
I —

HOUSE
Is this some kind of occultist thing? The mystic triclops, who brings good fortune to anyone who sees him!
(slapping himself on the forehead)
Oh, of course! Silly me, of course it’s not a hallucination, it’s an omen.

SAM
Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t think —

HOUSE
Apparently. Well, congratulations. Thanks to you, your brother has been running a fever for the past ten hours, and we’ve only just started to make a dent in it.

SAM
(frustrated, in a loud voice)
Will you please stop? I screwed up, okay? You don’t need to make me feel any more guilty than I already am!

HOUSE
Yeah, but I can. This is the sort of thing where when the night shift nurse comes in and asks if everything is okay, you don’t lie. It’s not a matter of jail time, it’s life and death.

SAM
But he’s going to be okay, right?

HOUSE, having worked off the greater part of his rage at the many idiots of the world, stops pacing, and lowers his voice back to normal, though irate, volume.

HOUSE
We don’t know. Fever means he’s not responding to the [drugs] we’re giving him. Or it could be a result of infection from the surgery. Or it could be a reaction to the blood transfusion. We don’t know.

SAM
So what are you going to do?

HOUSE
Keep up with the [drugs], search for infection, and wait to see what happens.

SAM
That’s it?

HOUSE
Well, we could perform an exorcism, if you think that would help.

SAM scowls. He unfolds, as though about to inform HOUSE that demonic possession doesn’t manifest like that, before remembering that saying that would just make him look like even more of a lunatic; so instead, he does an about-face and leans back against the windowsill instead, watching Dean. HOUSE walks over to the other side of the bed to loom over Dean for a moment. DEAN frowns in his sleep, opens his eyes, and attempts to say something to HOUSE.

DEAN
(slurred)
Goddamn fairies.

HOUSE
Hey hey, homosexuals are people just like the rest of us.

DEAN
Whatever, man.
(coughing)
Where’s Sam?

SAM
Over here.

DEAN
Sammy?

SAM
Yeah?

HOUSE
I’ll leave you to your no doubt touching and meaningful conversation. Tell the blue man I say hi.

He limps out of the room and walks down the hallway towards his office.

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

HOUSE enters. The DUCKLINGS are seated around the table.

HOUSE
Castigation has been achieved.

CHASE
And the patient?

HOUSE
Hundred and four degree fever, no sign of change. Any bright ideas?

FOREMAN
We’re waiting for [lab results from cultures they took].

HOUSE
All of them?

FOREMAN
The labs can only take three at once … we each did the one we thought was most likely.

HOUSE
Well, go get some more ready. Check for the less likely ones.

CAMERON
We were just talking, and [suggestion regarding something that would bring down the fever in case the current antibiotics don’t work].

HOUSE
Don’t be stupid, if [that] was the solution he’d be out of here by now. [Do this new, better idea].

CAMERON makes a face as she, CHASE, and FOREMAN leave the room to go run tests. HOUSE walks past them into his own office.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOUSE’S OFFICE — DAY

HOUSE settles into the chair behind his desk, puts his feet up, and grabs the Ball of Mysterious Origins. He begins tossing it up and down whilst thinking, but is soon interrupted when CUDDY walks in and stands in front of his desk with what has been described as the Jewish Mother look on her face, and a manila envelope in her hand. HOUSE continues tossing the ball and ignores her.

CUDDY
House.

HOUSE
Present.

He puts down the ball and looks at her expectantly.

CUDDY
When were you going to tell me that you were treating a wanted felon?

HOUSE
(trying and failing to look innocent)
I am?

CUDDY continues to look at him.

HOUSE
Who was it this time?

CUDDY
Excuse me?

HOUSE
Which one of them ratted me out?

CUDDY
(shaking her head)
That's irrelevant.

HOUSE
It was Cameron, wasn't it.

CUDDY
Of course not, why would you think that?

HOUSE
Foreman. Damn him.

CUDDY
House, who did it is beside the point. I'm not going to tell you just so that you can punish them. The point is that you are withholding this sort of information, which the hospital needs to know.

HOUSE
Why? What difference does it make? I'm still going to want to keep him here until he's not going to keel over the minute he gets to the police station.

CUDDY
You could have told me that.

HOUSE
Would it have worked?

CUDDY doesn't answer. Her expression says 'No, you're right, but you're also doing illegal things, so it really shouldn't make a difference.'

HOUSE
Now what?

CUDDY
What's the patient's condition?

HOUSE
(sarcastically, poking fun at her without being serious)
Oh, so now you care about him. That's not hypocritical at all.

CUDDY rolls her eyes.

HOUSE
Less than twelve hours out of surgery, feverish and delusional. My team is working on it right now. I know what you're thinking, and no, he's not going to make it out of the hospital if you call the police now.

CUDDY appears to resign herself to this, but she's not going down without a fight.

CUDDY
I have no choice. It's my duty as Dean of Medicine to report this person to the police.

HOUSE
Report him? Please, we have no idea who this guy is. Hi, officer, I'd like to report this person. What's he done? Well, sir, he's given us so many different names, I don't even know who he is.

CUDDY
Dean Winchester.

HOUSE
What?

CUDDY
That’s his name.

She tosses the folder she's been holding onto his desk. HOUSE picks it up and flips it open in one hand. He raises his eyebrows.

HOUSE
Impressive work, Sherlock.

CUDDY
I had [explanation of how she delegated responsibilities to someone else to figure this out]. Last seen in [that town with the dead girl in the walls].

HOUSE
Neat. I still object to you taking my patient away to die, by the way.

CUDDY considers this.

CUDDY
How much longer do you need?

HOUSE
(checking his watch)
Thirty three minutes.
(pause)
A couple more days, at least. And that's assuming that we figure out what's killing him within the next hour, and that it works immediately. I'm just factoring in the whole 'stomach surgery' deal.

CUDDY reaches across the desk to take away the folder.

CUDDY
You have two days. After that, I’m calling the police.

HOUSE
And I will tell them, they cannot check a dying man out of this hospital.

CUDDY
(as she turns and walks out of the office)
Two and a half.

HOUSE snatches an important-looking sheet of paper off of his desk, crumples it into a ball, and aims playfully at the back of CUDDY’s head. However, he spends too much time aiming, and by the time it leaves his hand, it hits the glass door as it closes behind her. It would appear that this was his intention. He sits back and resumes tossing the BMO and thinking. After a moment, some stray thought catches his attention; he pauses, spins the chair around, and frowns at several old books on his bookshelves.

HOUSE
Huh.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL — SAM’S ROOM — DAY

The door handle rattles as someone outside works at the lock; when it gives, HOUSE enters the room. He looks around in obvious disgust at the walls papered with printouts and handwritten notes; at the beds that still haven’t been made since three days prior; at the windows with the shades drawn, which make the whole room dark except for where slivers of early afternoon light manage to make their way in. HOUSE hovers in the doorway to assess the situation and figure out where to begin. He decides on the desk, shuffling his way over to it. It’s mostly been cleared off since the last scene.

HOUSE ignores the papers taped to the walls and, in the absence of books, moves on to the far bed. He goes to the duffel bag at its foot, and starts rummaging through it. He comes up with clothing, bullets, a couple of clunky electromagnetic field detectors. It is as he is tossing those aside that he looks at where they have landed: on top of a very old book, entitled Natural History, Lore and Legend: being some few examples of quaint and by-gone beliefs, gathered in from divers authorities, ancient and mediaeval, of varying degrees of reliability. HOUSE picks it up and examines the edges, running his finger along the gap between binding and pages and looking at what it picks up.

HOUSE
Bingo.

With an effort, HOUSE gets up, leaning on the edge of the bed for support. It doesn’t work quite as well as he’d have hoped, because it’s a crappy mattress that bends underneath him so that his arm ends up buckling, and he lands on his elbow on the bed. It’s then that he takes notice of the discarded shirt lying on the bed — the one with a bit of blood on it from where Dean started coughing and ditched it to avoid further damage.

What is more interesting, though, is the tiny flecks of black on the edge of the same shirt, which are brought into sharp focus by the proximity of HOUSE’s face to the mattress. He gives up on hoisting himself up, and rolls over instead so that he is kneeling, and can examine the shirt properly. He sniffs it and gags, exaggeratedly. He pulls a very small plastic bag out of his pocket, along with tweezers, and picks out as much of the black as he can find — far less than a gram, just a couple of grains, but enough to be visible inside the baggie.

Having accomplished this, HOUSE makes a second attempt at getting up. This one is more successful than the first. He takes the baggie and the book, and looks around at the room again.

HOUSE
Yeesh.

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

A little over an hour later, HOUSE, FOREMAN, CAMERON, and CHASE have regrouped.

FOREMAN
Nothing. All of the tests were negative.

CAMERON
We’ll go get more samples, and start them over again.

HOUSE
No need.

CHASE
What?

HOUSE
It occurred to me that people are idiots.
(His team exchanges glances; this is nothing new)
They’ll believe anything, and rather than look for facts to tell them what to believe, they’ll believe something, and then go find evidence to support it.

CHASE
I’m assuming you’re about to explain what we’ve been missing, and how you figured it out, right?

HOUSE
(ignoring CHASE)
Say that something you believe in is paranormal, where do you find your best evidence? Not in modern-day books; most normal people don’t believe in that stuff anymore, and anyone can put anything on the internet. If you believe that you’re going to be hunting ghosts, you go for the old ghost stories.

He walks over to the counter behind his chair and picks up the book he found in the motel room, showing it to the DUCKLINGS. It is wrapped and sealed in a plastic bag.

HOUSE
Exhibit A.
(holding the book at arm’s length to read the title with a flourish)
“Natural History, Lore and Legend: being some few examples of quaint and by-gone beliefs, gathered in from divers authorities, ancient and mediaeval, of varying degrees of reliability.” Date of publication, 1895. Date of infection with [toxic mold], sometime after that.

CAMERON
You think he might have inhaled mold while reading?

CHASE
We didn’t screen for it. It’s possible. It gets into the trachea; some goes into the patient’s lungs and inflames the lining; if enough got into the stomach, it could cause the bleed over time.

FOREMAN
That’d have to be some pretty acidic mold.

HOUSE
Hence the plastic bag. I like my lungs the way they are.

FOREMAN
Doesn’t explain the rash.

CHASE
Could be an allergic reaction.

CAMERON ponders this, unconvinced.

CHASE
Okay, so we treat that with [something to kill the mold].

FOREMAN
If it’s the mold.

CHASE
It’s the best we’ve got to go on.

HOUSE
No it’s not. There’s something else.

He leans back against the counter and waits.

CAMERON
… Are you going to tell us what it is?

HOUSE
(startling, with exaggerated effect)
Oh! Right. I don’t know.

CHASE
Excuse me?

HOUSE reaches behind him and pulls out the smaller baggie.

HOUSE
Found this on his clothing. Judging by the bloodstains, either he’d just committed a very small murder, or that was what he was wearing before he came to the hospital.

FOREMAN
Could be the brother’s.

HOUSE
Right. The guy with the life-threatening blood loss issue is definitely not the one in contact with foreign substances.

FOREMAN folds his arms and settles for looking pointedly at HOUSE without speaking. HOUSE tosses the bag onto the table in front of his team.

HOUSE
Go to the lab, figure out what this is and what makes it go away.

CHASE
How?

HOUSE
Isn’t there a ‘weird black stuff’ handbook around here somewhere? Start looking for matches.

CHASE
That could take days.

HOUSE
Then I guess you’d better get started.

CAMERON
Where are you going?

HOUSE
Lunch. I missed mine driving back from scenic Frenchtown.

HOUSE exits.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — LAB ROOM — NIGHT

The clock on the wall reads 8:41pm. The team have been there on and off all day, running through different tests to figure out what this black stuff is. CAMERON is looking through a microscope, with slides piled up next to her; FOREMAN is in much the same attitude, though across the table; CHASE has temporarily abandoned his microscope and is leaning back in his chair, spinning around in it. He groans and stands.

CHASE
I’m going to get dinner. You guys want anything from the cafeteria?

CAMERON
Caesar salad and a milkshake.

FOREMAN
Not that.

CHASE
Scungili it is.

He exits. CAMERON and FOREMAN continue to work. CAMERON’s phone rings, and she picks it up.

CAMERON
Hello?

HOUSE (V.O.)
What do you have for me?

CAMERON rests her head on her hand. When she speaks, she sounds weary.

CAMERON
Nothing. Nothing even close to matching the stuff you found. Are you sure it’s even mold?

(INT. 221B — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

HOUSE sits on his couch, with the phone to his ear and a movie on television paused.

HOUSE
I don’t know. What does it look like to you?)

CAMERON
Structurally, it looks like a fungus.

(INT. 221B — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

HOUSE
Just not one you’ve ever seen before.)

CAMERON
Yeah.

HOUSE (V.O.)
That’s good news. Keep looking.

CAMERON
House, we’ve been here for nearly seven hours.

HOUSE (V.O.)
You’re getting paid overtime, right? Quit complaining. Let me know when you find something, and tell Chase to get his feet off the table before he contaminates something.

HOUSE hangs up. CAMERON lifts her head and stares at the phone. She looks across the table at FOREMAN, who sighs.

INT. WILSON’S HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

WILSON is sitting on the couch, watching television and eating Chinese takeout, when there is a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door to find HOUSE standing outside.

WILSON
Hello?

HOUSE brushes past him to come inside. WILSON follows him.

WILSON
I’m assuming you have a reason for barging into my house at nine thirty at night?

HOUSE
I need to talk to you.

WILSON
Um, okay. Is this the ‘I’ve finally admitted that I have a drug problem’ talk, or the ‘I’m stuck on a case and I need something to jog a completely meaningless fact from my memory that will solve everything’ talk. Or! My personal favorite, the ‘your marriage is falling apart and I want to make sure you know that’ talk.

HOUSE and WILSON walk from the doorway to the living room as they talk, and sit down on the couch.= together.

HOUSE
That second one. We’ll pretend it’s the first one. It never works if I know what’s going to happen — I have to sneak up on myself. And I’m sick of your wife right now.

WILSON
Your tact is astounding. Don’t worry, she’s visiting her parents.

HOUSE
Of course she is.

WILSON
House.

HOUSE
Sorry. Wrong conversation. Out of curiosity, did she tell you not to call her while she’s there?

WILSON
House, stop it.

HOUSE
But did she?

WILSON
No, she didn’t. I got off the phone with her an hour ago.

HOUSE
I see. Any background noises?

WILSON
I thought we were having a heartfelt conversation about your Vicodin addiction.

HOUSE
No, no, this is much more interesting.

WILSON
I thought you weren’t interested in talking about Julie.

HOUSE
Wasn’t. See, the thing is, there are many, many other things we talk about more than we talk about your marriage. You could have easily used one of those, but you decided to use that as an example, so obviously that was a subconscious cry for help. And, like a good and loyal friend, I am here to listen to your woes.

WILSON
No — House, no, that’s not what I meant.

HOUSE
(talking over the tail end of his sentence)
Oh, come on, it’s obvious. There’s barely enough room in here to move around the gigantic elephant.

WILSON
The what?

HOUSE
The elephant in the room that we aren’t talking about, even though it’s clearly …
(he gets a faraway look on his face)
… there …

WILSON throws up his hands. HOUSE stands up and makes a beeline for the door, despite the fact that he has been there for less than five minutes.

WILSON
(calling to him on his way out)
Glad to be of service!

HOUSE stops at the door to grin back at him before he lets himself out.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — NIGHT

SAM stands next to DEAN’s bed, arms folded, watching the screens which monitor heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, etc. DEAN is lying on his back; he starts wheezing and taps SAM on the back to get his attention. SAM pulls him upright so that he can lean forward and cough properly.

DEAN
This is getting old.

SAM
Tomorrow night.

DEAN
(hoarsely)
There isn’t a giant dog on my feet, is there.

SAM
No. Just ignore it.

DEAN
Kinda hard.

He kicks the blankets up, as if to dispel the illusion.

SAM
I can promise you, there’s no way a dog got into this room without me seeing it.

DEAN sighs, and slides back down again. He shuts his eyes.

SAM moves away and starts pacing; as he reaches the end of the bed, he waves his hand around in the air over it, just to make sure that there really is nothing there. When he looks up, HOUSE is leaning against the doorway. He retracts his hand.

HOUSE
Most of my patients — actually, scratch that, all of my patients — are stupid.

SAM
… Okay?

HOUSE
So are their families. It’s just a matter of where they stand on the stupid scale. On the one end, there’s the man who was so convinced he was pregnant, he went into labor. On the other, there’s the guy who knowingly ate himself into morbid obesity, and just didn’t care. And that’s just the men.

SAM
And where do we fit in?

HOUSE
(walking into the room)
See, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. It would take a whole new level of stupidity to willfully ignore an obvious hallucination, and then lie to the nurses about it.

SAM
Okay, I get it. I screwed up.

HOUSE
On the other hand, everything else you’ve done so far has been only about a three on the scale, and that was more like a negative seven, which leads me to believe there was something else going on that you’re not telling us.

SAM looks around — at the wall past House, at Dean, at the ceiling, swinging his hands.

HOUSE
Does he frequently see things that aren’t there?

DEAN
(groggily)
What’s going on?

SAM
Nothing. Just … nothing.

DEAN goes back to sleep. SAM watches him for a moment.

SAM
It’s … not that he sees things that aren’t there. It’s more like … sometimes there are things there that not everyone can see, and people usually freak out when we tell them.

HOUSE
(clearly unconvinced)
I see.

SAM
Or they don’t believe us.

HOUSE
Not at all. But let’s pretend that I do.

SAM
Why?

HOUSE
Because my team have an unidentifiable black substance that we think may be screwing with your brother’s system, and they’ve spent eight hours today trying to find something that would match its description.

SAM
You think it may be supernatural?

HOUSE
No, I think that you think it is, and I want to hear your theories.

SAM frowns at him, puzzled. HOUSE makes impatient motions with his hand.

HOUSE
Come on, go with it! Aren’t conspiracy theorists supposed to jump on this sort of opportunity?

SAM
(disgruntled)
It’s … okay, you’ve heard of fairies, right?

HOUSE
Now I have.

SAM
They do this thing … they can make things from their own world look like food. I’m pretty sure that Mike ate some of their food, and that’s what’s causing the problem.

HOUSE
Interesting. How do you figure that?

SAM
(reluctantly, after a pregnant pause)
We really are doing research on paranormal phenomena. We went and talked to some fairies … guess they weren’t happy with the intrusion.

HOUSE
Ah, yes, those pesky fairies.

SAM
Hey, you asked.

HOUSE
Doesn’t mean I believe anything you’re saying.

SAM
(reaching into his bag)
You don’t believe me?
(pulling out his own bag of formerly-gingerbread crumbs and tossing it at HOUSE)
Here. This was a piece of gingerbread until I touched it with iron.

HOUSE looks down at the bag in his hand, and back up at SAM.

HOUSE
Interesting. Mind if I keep this?

SAM
Would it help?

HOUSE
(walking away)
Maybe … Gingerbread, huh?

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

Early the next morning, CAMERON and FOREMAN are sitting at the table, preoccupied with their own thoughts. CHASE walks in with coffee and sits down.

CHASE
Where’s House?

CAMERON
Don’t know.

HOUSE enters. He’s changed into clean clothes, which means that he did end up going home at some point, but there are dark circles under his eyes and he looks tired. He seats himself as well.

CAMERON
You look terrible.

HOUSE
Gee, thanks. Just what every man wants to hear.

CAMERON
Are you okay?

HOUSE
Yesterday’s attempts to identify our mysterious moldy friend were less than successful, right?

The DUCKLINGS exchange weary looks.

HOUSE
Wrong!

This gets their attention.

HOUSE holds up the bag that SAM gave him the previous night.

HOUSE
Behold. I give you implements of fairy torture.

FOREMAN
Excuse me?

HOUSE
That’s what our friend Lucas thinks, anyway. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that fairies don’t exist. This, my friends, is aspergillus fumigates — chemically the same as the mold you so diligently spent precious hours of your lives analyzing yesterday.

CHASE
Huh.

CAMERON
How did you figure that out?

HOUSE
Simple. I asked Lucas to tell me about his brother’s hallucinations. Turns out, they’re hunting fairies, who gave him bad gingerbread.

He makes a face: ‘Who knew? Not me. Those crazy ghost hunters.’

FOREMAN
(exhausted)
What are you talking about?

HOUSE
I’m talking about psychological manipulation. It’s brilliant. Don’t make me explain it and ruin all the fun.

CHASE raises his eyebrows. CAMERON gets to her feet.

CAMERON
I’ll go get Mike started on ribavirin.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

SAM is sleeping in the chair when CAMERON gets to the room; DEAN is lying awake, scowling at the ceiling. CAMERON looks around, not sure who to address.

DEAN
 
What’s up, doc?

CAMERON
(smiling)
Hey, how are you feeling?

DEAN
I’m fine.

CAMERON
I’m a doctor. It’s my job to ask.

DEAN
… Like shit. I can’t breathe, I look terrible, and I keep thinking there are things in the room that aren’t there. And I got a bunch of doctors who don’t know what’s wrong with me.

CAMERON
Actually, that’s what I came to tell you. We think we know what’s causing your symptoms.

DEAN
Oh, yeah? Enlighten me.

CAMERON
It’s a mycotoxin found in mold. It’s usually found on wheat and rye … and we’re not sure how, but you managed to get some in your lungs. The solution is effective in most cases, although there is a significant chance that you’ll suffer from side effects for the rest of your life.

DEAN
Can you wake up …. Um … Lucas? He’s the smart one.

CAMERON
Sure.

CAMERON shakes SAM on the shoulder. He scrubs his face with his hands and takes a moment to wake up properly, looking nearly as terrible as House.

SAM
Oh, hi. Sorry. Is everything okay?

CAMERON
(smiling)
Yeah, we hope so. House thinks we’ve found the issue; we’re still waiting for an official diagnosis, but we’re going to start treatment now.

SAM
(clearly struggling to regain full consciousness)
Great. What’s the treatment?

CAMERON hefts an IV bag of a clear liquid.

CAMERON
It’s called ribavirin. It should fight the infection.

SAM
Should.

CAMERON
Mike’s symptoms didn’t present in the usual way, so we didn’t catch it as early as we normally would have. There’s a chance that he’ll suffer permanent lung damage.

SAM
Well, is there any way you can fix that?

CAMERON
We’ll see how things go. It could clear up fine; there have been … instances … where patients have recovered completely, with no side effects.

SAM
But they’re not frequent instances.

CAMERON
No, I’m sorry.

SAM
(bringing his hands up to his face, talking more to himself than CAMERON)
Okay. Okay, no, this will be okay.
(to CAMERON)
How long until you’ll know if this works?

CAMERON
We should start to see change in about six hours.

SAM
(swallowing visibly)
Okay. Go ahead.

CAMERON hooks up the IV to the stand, and attaches it.

CAMERON
Someone will be in to check on you in a little while, if you need anything.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

By the sun coming through the window, it is now several hours later, in the afternoon. SAM is sitting and tapping his feet impatiently. DEAN is watching him.

DEAN
Hey, guess what.

SAM
Huh?

DEAN
I can hear music.

SAM
There’s nothing here.

DEAN
I know. It’s one of those, what do you call it, those auditory things.

SAM
(in the manner of one slightly worried for his sanity)
Hallucinations?

DEAN
Yeah, one of those things.

He presses the heel of his palm to his forehead and shuts his eyes.

SAM
You’ll be fine soon.
(standing)
Listen, I’ll be back in a bit. I’m going to go find the stuff that they took from our room.

DEAN
Sure.

SAM exits.

INT. HOSPITAL — OUTER OFFICE — DAY

SAM approaches from the hallway. He looks in cautiously to make sure that there is no one there, or in the halls, before opening the door and going in. Once inside, he looks around, and settles on the counter with all of its drawers and cabinets above them. With several quick, nervous glances over his shoulder at the glass walls, he goes to the counter drawers and begins opening them, one after the other. None of them contain the IDs, just ordinary medical things. After looking in the cabinets and finding nothing, he moves on to HOUSE’s office.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOUSE’S OFFICE — DAY

HOUSE’s office has a bit more clutter, and the stakes are slightly higher if he gets caught here. A nurse walks past with a clipboard; he ducks behind the desk and hides there until he’s certain that she’s gone. From his position on the floor, he begins opening the drawers on the desk, and rifling through the contents. In the bottom drawer on the right, he discovers a thick manila envelope; when he looks inside, it contains the IDs. SAM shoves the envelope into his jacket, and sticks his head around the side of the desk. The hallway is empty; he stands and walks out of the office.

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY — DAY

SAM makes it halfway down the corridor before he runs into CAMERON, nearly literally, as she heads for the OUTER OFFICE with CHASE.

SAM
Oh, sorry, sorry. Are you okay?

CAMERON
I’m fine. Were you looking for one of us?

SAM
(inspired)
Yeah. I was just wondering, do you have the results back? The things, that let you know whether it’s … the thing that you think it is. For my brother.

CHASE
(with a glance aside at CAMERON)
We were just heading back with that now. It’s definitely hypersensitivity pneumonitis.

SAM stares at him blankly.

CAMERON
That’s what we’re treating.

SAM
Oh! Right, right. Thanks.

CAMERON
Is that it?

SAM
Yeah. I just needed to leave the room for a few minutes, figured that was a good enough reason. I’ll go let Mike know.

He takes half a step forwards, and then remembers.

SAM
It’s normal, to not see any improvement yet, right?

CAMERON
Why, has something changed?
(looking at her clipboard)
The nurses didn’t say …

SAM
No, no … I mean, he’s hearing music now, but that’s nothing new, right?

CHASE
It’s probably nothing. Auditory hallucinations are actually more common than visual ones.

SAM
Okay.

SAM runs off down the hallway, hand tucked inside his jacket to hold onto the folder. CHASE and CAMERON look at each other, shrug, and move on.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

HOUSE is walking by, and glances in. He does a double-take, stops, and opens the door.

HOUSE
Where did the other one go?

DEAN
(muzzily)
I made him go home. He was starting to smell.

He continues to gaze in HOUSE’s direction, half confused frown, half glare, for an uncomfortable length of time. HOUSE blinks.

HOUSE
Okay. Good to know these things.

DEAN
Your cafeteria is crap, by the way.

HOUSE
You’re not supposed to be eating from it.

DEAN shrugs.

HOUSE ducks out of the room and continues on his way.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. MOTEL — ROOM — NIGHT

The room is dark, lit only by one of the bedside lamps. SAM rattles around the room: pulling all of the papers off the walls, digging into the drawers to find things. He fiddles around with the same drawer where CHASE found the bag of that pepper stuff, trying to find it before remembering that it is now at the hospital. Oh well, it’s not like it would have done much good anyway. He finishes clearing out the room, and shuts the door behind him.

INT. IMPALA — NIGHT

SAM drives to the fairies’ house. His clothing is inside-out, he has his iron-bullet gun, and the sum total of their possessions in the back seat of the car. In the passenger seat is the envelope from House’s desk, and a knife with a dark blade.

EXT. HOUSE — PORCH — NIGHT

SAM knocks on the front door. The OLD WOMAN opens it just before he would have gotten impatient. She seems a little startled to find him there.

OLD WOMAN
Hello. What can I do for you, young man?

SAM
I know what you are, and I know what you did to my brother.

OLD WOMAN
(calling back into the house)
Oberon, it’s back.

SAM attempts to get a look inside the house. A moment later, OBERON appears behind the OLD WOMAN. He smiles thinly at SAM.

OBERON
Send it away, Tatiana.

SAM
I know what you did to Dean. Now tell me how to fix it.

TATIANA
Doctors can take care of that sort of thing, my dear.

SAM
A bruise in the shape of a protection symbol? Come on.

TATIANA smiles.

OBERON
Greedy little human. I like them better than the polite ones.

TATIANA
(affecting a high-pitched, saccharine voice)
Would you like a cookie, my dear? I just finished baking today.

OBERON
(in a similar tone)
Don’t worry, I’m the tooth fairy. Don’t tell your parents.

TATIANA
Every time, it works.

SAM
Not on me.

He pulls the gun out on them.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — NIGHT

HOUSE and the DUCKLINGS are gathered in the corner of the room, arguing amongst themselves.

CAMERON
I don’t understand. The tests were positive; this should be having an effect.

FOREMAN
Maybe we didn’t catch it soon enough.

CHASE
We could try upping the dosage, see if that makes any difference.

HOUSE
One of you explain why that’s not a good idea.

FOREMAN
Increased dosage could lead to increased risk of thrombocytopenia, on top of a tendency to spontaneously hemorrhage.

CHASE
We can’t just do nothing.

CAMERON
We can give it a little more time. It could just be a particularly resistant form.

FOREMAN
In which case upping the dosage probably wouldn’t change anything anyway.

HOUSE lowers his head and stares at DEAN.

HOUSE
Give it another two hours. If we don’t have anything by then, increase the dosage.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOUSE — PORCH — NIGHT

No time has passed since the last cut. SAM has the gun drawn on TATIANA and OBERON. OBERON makes sure to put TATIANA in front of him, hands on her shoulders. TATIANA tilts her head, a few degrees too far to the side to be natural-looking.

TATIANA
Put that down.

SAM
Nope.

TATIANA
We’re not unreasonable, contrary to what your type think of us. We’re willing to negotiate.

SAM
So there’s a way to stop the disease.

TATIANA
There’s a way to improve the possibility of recovery.

SAM
How?

TATIANA
(smiling)
Fairy blood.

SAM
(pausing to think about it)
What do you want?

TATIANA
(spreading her hands)
To be left alone. I can give you the means to help your kin, and you can leave the children with us.

SAM
(hesitating a moment before answering)
What do you want with them?

TATIANA leans back to make eye contact with OBERON, as though engaged in a silent conversation; OBERON responds.

OBERON
An offering, for the Unseelie Queen.

TATIANA
Back taxes, if you will. She’s very fond of children.

OBERON
(grinning)
Especially in duck sauce.

SAM
No. No, sorry. I need you to let them go.

OBERON
Can’t do that.

SAM squints, and shoots OBERON — what’s visible of him behind TATIANA. Instead of collapsing, OBERON turns into a pile of ashes on the stoop behind TATIANA. She jumps forward with agility unusual in someone of her age. SAM aims at her next.

TATIANA
Now you’ve just made me angry.

SAM
[Give me what I want or you’re next.]

TATIANA
Drop that. You can’t use it on me anyway.

SAM keeps one hand on the gun while he reaches into his belt with the other and retrieves the knife instead. TATIANA turns into an even more wrinkled, decrepit creature with an extra set of arms, rags instead of clothing, and a set of fangs that would put a saber-toothed tiger to shame. The night is already dark, but it becomes clear that TATIANA is doing more than just transforming herself, as the surroundings start to resemble Starry Night with screaming faces hidden in the brush strokes. The atmosphere becomes dense and claustrophobic. SAM whirls around, trying to figure out what is going on with the porch; when he turns back to the front door, TATIANA is no longer there. She becomes just one more of the faces in the air.

SAM continues to turn around in circles like it will help, backing up until he can press himself against the wall in order to defend himself properly. TATIANA cackles at him with the voice of an old woman, but doesn’t actually make any moves to attack. This is puzzling to SAM, up until the point when one of her bony arms lashes out from seemingly nowhere, and her fingers wrap around his left arm in a death grip. SAM slashes at the arm; she moves out of the way, and thus avoids being stabbed. He kicks out in the same direction as the arm came from, ducks inside the house, and slams the door shut behind him. The weirdness in the air and the screaming faces stop, and the house is eerily silent.

INT. HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

SAM has his back to the wall, edging from the door down the short hall to the kitchen, looking around frantically for any sign of TATIANA. Silence, and then the front window opens. SAM directs his attention and his knife towards it immediately, which makes it all the more startling when TATIANA in old woman form appears in the kitchen doorway, looking small and feeble. SAM looks between her and the window, confused.

TATIANA holds out a plate of gingerbread.

TATIANA
Cookie?

This distracts SAM just long enough for the invisible TATIANA who came in through the window, to grab him and toss him to the ground. It knocks the wind out of him, but SAM doesn’t lose his grip on his knife. He rolls over onto his back and looks towards the kitchen door. Old woman TATIANA has vanished. SAM scrambles back towards the wall and gets to his feet once he has it at his back. There is a flicker of movement at the other end of the living room; he moves towards that, hears something behind him, and spins around, lunging forwards with his arm bent.

He connects with invisible TATIANA; she doesn’t become visible, but the evidence is clear that she is indeed falling backwards and tripping over the throw carpet. SAM presses his advantage and throws himself at the air where it would appear that she went. He keeps the knife out of it. TATIANA falls backwards and into the small, high table near the door, and falls to the ground with an invisible thump. SAM holds the knife in front of him and points it at where she would have fallen.

SAM
Stop. You lose.

TATIANA becomes visible again, again as a fragile old woman with filmy eyes. She looks pathetic.

TATIANA
I lose.

SAM
I don’t want to hurt you, but I need your blood, and I need you to let those kids go.

TATIANA
(feebly)
You can’t — I can’t. The queen will kill me.

SAM
Not my problem.

He hesitates in spite of his words. TATIANA seizes the opportunity and lunges forward with a feral grin, pushing him out of the way with fairy strength rather than old woman strength. SAM is caught off guard, but he keeps his head and rolls with it, getting to his feet again and stabbing TATIANA as she fades into invisibility. The knife remains visible from the point at which it is no longer in her side, which looks extremely strange but allows SAM to track her progress.

TATIANA collapses onto the ground. Green blood from the knife wound pours out onto the ground beneath her. SAM runs for the kitchen door.

INT. HOUSE — KITCHEN — NIGHT

SAM enters the kitchen and grabs the first tumbler he comes across, then back into the living room.

INT. HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

The knife still protrudes oddly in midair. SAM kneels down next to it and presses the tumbler against TATIANA’s side, catching her blood in it and acting sort of grossed out about the entire thing. Necessary evils, as they say.

SAM
I’m sorry.

TATIANA
As you should be.

TATIANA flickers back into visibility, this time as the grotesque, four-armed fairy. SAM checks her pulse, and she slaps his hand away. He crouches over her for a little longer, until she stops breathing and collapses into black dust as well. SAM reaches out as if to touch the dust, then thinks better of it and stands instead. He puts the tumbler on the table by the door, retrieves the gun from the front door and the knife from TATIANA, and goes out the back door.

EXT. FAIRY HOUSE — BACKYARD — NIGHT

SAM wipes the knife off in the grass outside, which is lit by a back light on the porch. He goes around to the storm cellar doors, shut and sealed, and starts hacking at the hinges with the knife. Being that the knife is made of iron, the wood curls away fairly quickly. Once the protection symbol has been dealt with, he can pull the doors off fairly quickly.

Inside the storm cellar, it has gone dark, and there are a bunch of frightened children down there now that there is no more illusion around to turn it into a fairy river.

SAM
Hello?

A LITTLE GIRL comes to the foot of the stairs. She has an even smaller TODDLER in tow of indeterminate gender.

LITTLE GIRL
What happened?

SAM
There were fairies keeping you down here.

The LITTLE GIRL’s face lights up in a smile.

LITTLE GIRL
I remember that!

SAM climbs down the stairs.

SAM
Yeah, but they were bad fairies.

INT. HOUSE — STORM CELLAR — NIGHT

The storm cellar is lit only by the light of the full moon, which means that SAM casts a looming shadow as he descends. When he gets to the bottom of the stairs, he stands aside to let the light through, which means that he can see, fairly well, the group of a dozen or so small children in the spacious storm cellar.

LITTLE GIRL
They weren’t bad fairies.

SAM
Yeah, they were. Come on, let’s get you guys out of here.

OTHER TODDLER IN BACK
(whining)
It’s dark.

SAM walks over to the OTHER TODDLER IN BACK and picks him up.

SAM
I know. Come on, there’s light outside.

With OTHER TODDLER in his arms, SAM leads the troop of small children out of the storm cellar and into the house.

INT. FAIRY HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — NIGHT

The flashing of police cars can be seen through the window, and there are several police officers standing in the doorway. SAM is standing and talking to a policewoman near the front door, with his back against the table to keep her from seeing the tumbler of blood.

SAM
I’m just passing through, honestly, and I got lost. I stopped here to ask for directions.

POLICEWOMAN
And you just happened to break into the storm cellar?

SAM
What — you think I kidnapped them? And then called the police on myself?

POLICEWOMAN
(in an even tone)
I’m not suggesting anything. I’m asking you to tell me how you found the children.

SAM
I saw a light on in the back. I figured I’d try the back door, maybe the doorbell was broken. And when I got there, I heard kids’ voices down in the storm cellar. I remembered hearing about it on the radio on the way down. It freaked me out, so I called down, and they said they were stuck down there.

POLICEWOMAN
All right. Thanks.

SAM
(desperately)
Look, my cousin’s in the hospital at Princeton Plainsboro, I just got the news and I’ve been driving for the past six hours. Do you think you could tell me how to get back to the road? It’s really important — they say he’s got tuberculosis or something like that.

POLICEWOMAN
Yes, of course. I’ll give you a call if we need anything else from you, okay?

SAM
Thanks.

SAM grabs the tumbler surreptitiously as he turns to leave, and hurries outside.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — NIGHT

CHASE, CAMERON, and HOUSE are gathered near DEAN’s bed. DEAN is sitting up and watching them. FOREMAN arrives with a new IV bag, which he passes to CAMERON.

FOREMAN
I still don’t think this is a good idea.

CAMERON
His fever has gone down by point three degrees; at this rate, he’s going to fry, if he doesn’t drown first.

DEAN
I’m right here, you know.

CAMERON
Sorry.

DEAN
Do you think my eyeballs will pop?

CAMERON
What?

DEAN
Yeah, you know, like in movies, when things get cramped, people’s eyeballs … sploosh.

He makes exploding motions with his fingers in front of his eyes.

HOUSE
As cool as that would be, it’s unlikely to happen. Sorry.

DEAN
(tilting his head back)
Dammit. Sam, where are you?

CHASE
Sam?

DEAN
Shit. Sam’s my … uh … ex-girlfriend.

HOUSE
Of course it is. Ignore the delusional ramblings of the patient, let’s shove some more fluids into him.

SAM knocks on the glass. CHASE opens the door for him. SAM is clearly antsy, keeping one hand in his jacket pocket the entire time.

SAM
Hi. Can I talk to my brother for a moment? Alone?

CHASE
(glancing at the medication being given)
In a little while. We’re giving him a stronger course of treatment; he’s not responding to the current one.

SAM
No you — wait, he’ll be fine. Just give it a little longer, okay?

CHASE
We’ve given it all the time we can afford. We need to do something now, and the only thing we can do is increase the dosage.

SAM
I looked this stuff up, it’s not going to work. Just let me talk to him first, please.

CHASE
Why?

SAM
(starting to edge towards the hospital bed)
I, uh, I have something I need to tell him. It’s private. And urgent.

HOUSE
I’m sure it can wait. This is kind of urgent too.

SAM
No, really, please, you’re making a mistake —

He lunges towards DEAN, pulling his hand out of his pocket. His palm is covered in green blood that shines oddly in the bright hospital lights. DEAN reaches out towards him as CAMERON recoils, and CHASE grabs him by the arm.

CHASE
What the hell is that?

SAM grabs for DEAN’s hand and misses; FOREMAN takes his other side, and along with CHASE, starts to drag him backwards.

FOREMAN
I’m sorry, Mr. Hutton, but we really think you should go.

SAM pushes forwards; this time, he is able to grab DEAN by the hand and transfer some of the blood onto his hand as CHASE and FOREMAN force him backwards. DEAN looks at his hand in confusion; SAM puts his fingers to his mouth to indicate what DEAN is supposed to do — which he then does. SAM allows CHASE and FOREMAN to guide him out of the room.

END OF ACT FOUR.

TAG:

INT. HOSPITAL — HALLWAY — DAY

It is several days later. HOUSE is walking down the hall to WILSON’s office. When he gets there, he doesn’t have time to knock before he sees WILSON coming down the hallway in the opposite direction. WILSON gets there

HOUSE
I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here.

WILSON
You owe me a hundred bucks, is what.

HOUSE
To the contrary: I am here to take you to lunch, where I will pay.

WILSON
Doesn’t matter.

HOUSE
Why not?

WILSON
(pointing)
The bet was that you couldn’t be a completely selfless friend for one week.

HOUSE
Have I not won your favor with flowers and Hallmark greeting cards?

WILSON
Do you recall three nights ago?

HOUSE
(scrunching up his face)
Was that the night where Julie —

WILSON
No, that was last night.

HOUSE
Right.

WILSON
This was the night when you came over and picked apart my marriage specifically so that you could have one of your moments.

HOUSE
Which worked, by the way.

WILSON
After which you left without another word; the very definition of selfish. You owe me a hundred dollars.

HOUSE
That was selfless. I drove all the way to your house to save a patient.

WILSON
You do that all the time. You were supposed to prove you could be a good friend to me.

HOUSE waits to see if there’s a chance that he can win this battle. When it becomes clear that he can’t, he pulls out his wallet and hands WILSON a hundred dollar bill.

HOUSE
In that case, you are so buying lunch.

WILSON
(sighing)
Well, that’s nothing new.

WILSON walks into his office. HOUSE is about to follow him. CUDDY strides down the hall towards him.

CUDDY
House!

HOUSE turns.

CUDDY
How’s your patient?

HOUSE
Just peachy. Lucid enough to have started propositioning the nurses, in fact. I think you should probably call the police and get him out of here.
(he leans in and whispers conspiratorially)
We don’t want another accident like the Llewellyn incident.

CUDDY
Mm-hm. They’re on their way.

HOUSE
Wanna watch? It’s almost like TV.

CUDDY falls into step beside him with a resigned smile. As they walk away, WILSON steps back out of his office.

WILSON
Okay, let’s go …

He breaks off and shakes his head.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOSPITAL ROOM — DAY

HOUSE and CUDDY arrive at the hospital room to find that it is, indeed, the center of activity. Not the one they would expect, however: instead, there is a harried-looking nurse talking to two policemen. CAMERON, FOREMAN, and CHASE all stand by. The bed is unmade and empty. CUDDY glances at HOUSE, like this is his fault. HOUSE shrugs and walks in.

HOUSE
Excuse me, officer. What seems to be the problem?

POLICE OFFICER
We received a call about an hour ago, claiming that a man had entered your hospital for treatment who was wanted on three counts of murder in two states.

HOUSE
(looking over his shoulder at CUDDY)
Was he? I had no idea. I make it a point not to know too much about my patients.

POLICE OFFICER
You weren’t aware of your patient’s status?

HOUSE
A murderer? Really? He seemed like such a nice kid. When he wasn’t screaming in pain, that is.

FOREMAN
He’d been making a remarkably rapid recovery, officer, but he was recovering from stomach surgery and severe blood loss. And he was here ten minutes ago. I’m sure he couldn’t have gotten very far.

EXT. HOSPITAL PARKING LOT — DAY

It is broad daylight. With a bag slung over his shoulder, SAM has his arm around DEAN, helping him walk across the parking lot. DEAN has managed to find real clothing, instead of a hospital gown, but he walks gingerly, and still appears paler than usual. The rashes on his skin have faded for the most part.

DEAN
You think they’ll have figured it out by now?

SAM
I think it’d be better if we hurried.

DEAN
I’m trying, I’m trying, okay? I haven’t walked in about a week.

SAM
Five days.

DEAN
Still.

SAM
(looking over his shoulder)
Oh, shit.

DEAN
What?

SAM
Just keep walking.

They reach their car, which is parked near the trees on the side of the hospital. SAM helps DEAN into the passenger seat before getting in himself, and starting the car.

INT. IMPALA — DAY

SAM
You doing okay?

DEAN
Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just drive before anyone catches up.

The car pulls out, and they navigate their way around the parking lot to the entrance. The exit to the lot is long and looping.

DEAN
Sam.

SAM
Yeah?

DEAN
Nice work.

SAM
(smiling)
Thanks.

INT. HOSPITAL — HOUSE’S OFFICE — DAY

HOUSE walks in and makes a beeline for the desk. CUDDY stays at the entrance behind him. He pulls open the bottom right hand drawer, and goes shuffling through it, looking for the envelope, but finds nothing. He straightens.

HOUSE
Gone.

CUDDY sighs. HOUSE goes out onto the balcony.

EXT. HOSPITAL — BALCONY — DAY

HOUSE looks down off of the edge of the balcony. The Impala goes by underneath him and towards the exit; it isn’t clear who is in the car as it turns out of the hospital and onto the road. HOUSE watches it before turning towards the open door and walking back inside.

END.